Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Change

Today let’s talk about change. I have a love hate relationship with change. It petrifies me. It makes me freeze up, and then I don’t take action until something happens that makes change inevitable. It’s like God saying “move on, there’s nothing left to see here people.” Recently there have been some major changes at my job. I hear the minutes, hours, days, weeks, ticking on the clock, waiting, just waiting.  If I don’t set about making changes, I know they will be made for me.  I’m also dealing with a move coming up.  I like my apartment, but I don’t love it.  I’ve lived in four different apartments in the same complex over the years.  But it’s time to leave.  I’ve only lived with one other person for six months in almost 13 years.  Am I ready to live with someone? Yes, I feel it in my heart, every intuition, outside and inside sign points towards this decision being the right one like an arrow at a crossroads.  But I am petrified, cause it’s change.

Change promotes growth, new people, experiences, opportunity.  Fear of change promotes stagnation, everything staying the same, oldness, staleness, burn out.  But it’s safe–I say–it’s safe for everything to stay the same.  But one of my favorite quotes is “a ship in harbor is safe, but that’s not what ships are for.”

I’ve made a lot of rash and quick decisions in my life~some I regret now~most I don’t~cause they helped me change, they helped bad circumstances change, they set off chain reactions to the direction of my life, thus affecting many other lives as well.  But here I have adult, reasonable decisions. Carefully thought through, patiently waited for and put off, put off and put off. There’s goodness right around the corner. It’s just a matter of plugging my nose and jumping into the deep end and my being adjusting to the new temperature.  There are a thousand unknown possibilities out there waiting to be set into motion. They are being set into motion as I type this.  It would help some if I had some ambition, and discipline. It would help if I didn’t feel like I was trapped in the quick sand of fear.  It would help if I had some chutzpah.  I have been praying, and asking for God's will~and things are happening.  Things that feel right in my heart.  I need to have more faith and learn to remember that everything will be ok, I'm not running the show, I don't have to.  I just have to believe and do the next best thing.

~Jenny

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