Wednesday, November 7, 2012

I have really been wrestling and struggling with something.
I have had to make firm decisions on it, but it is not getting better,
not even after setting up boundaries and drawing a line.

I can speak up for what I want and need,
but....that does not mean I will get everything
I want and need.
I need to accept this and stop fighting against
this problem.

I am praying for the best solution.
I cannot control other people.
And I am definitely trying to control
this situation.
It’s been like building a sand wall,
just when I think it is strong,
and will keep the unwanted element out,
it gets washed away, I am fighting against
the ocean.

I have a choice,
I can just walk away,
but there are concessions being made for me,
so that is not my preferred choice,
or I can stop building this damn wall
of sand,
putting time and energy into it,
to have it washed away.
It is an illusion.

I think I will just sit on the beach
a while and let my skin and bones
soak up the soothing,
warm sun,
enjoy the waves lapping on the shore
the sound of seagulls
the peace that I choose to experience,
and let the kid’s play in the sand
and work it out amongst themselves.

I have stated my position.
Sometimes that is all we
have control over
and all we can do.

~Jenny

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