Perhaps
this is the last
order of business
I had to take care of
to clean out
the old life
I am sorry if I hurt you
it is time to go
for both of us.

I had to level
the playing field
I have placed people
and situations
on impossible
pedestals
my whole life
and then damned them
when they fell short
of what I expected them to be

Well, I no longer deal
in pedestals,
or high hopes
the ground is leveled
it feels good beneath
our feet
and I can look you in the face
for once.

I will never place you
on lofty heights
again
away from me
where you can fall
even if I am the cause
of that fall
in my head

we, after all
are all human

~Jenny

Just Another Day

Driving to work this morning
the radio set to the classical music station
scritchity scratching
in between the piano keys
fading in and out
I leave it on anyways
I pull up and forgot
she is not here Mondays
two jobs today
change my date stamp
as always
after two and a half days
it never seems to be enough
put the CD in the CD player
I take out the endless drawn out
OM
and put in Chakras gone wild
yes, today we need some Chakras
gone wild
and I think of Jack Kerouac
and how I need to read his journal
when I get home
because Jack knew
he knew how it was
and my body feels sloooow
and time is slooow
and my healing process
has been slooow
the other morning I woke up
with and irresistible urge
to tear up pictures of you
it all started there
he’s a nice guy
they said
he just has problems
poor him
no, nice guys don’t do that
he was just an asshole
like the rest of them
I try not to play the victim
and I become angry
I have been angry a long time
I did things backwards
trying to forgive first
then becoming increasingly
angry later
until I realize
my anger is at myself
because there is a common
denominator
in all of this
and it is me
why did I put up with it
why did I always take it that far
and why am I still thinking
about these things.

~Jenny