I May Not Be Crazy Afterall

A little about what goes on in sobriety.
The following are symptoms (from Wikipedia) are part of Post Acute Withdraw aka Protracted Withdraw.
I have had a few episodes lately where I felt that I could not function properly,
my mind would simply not cooperate with me. These come and go. I feel pretty
good today~and have for the first time in a while starting having a desire to
connect with the people I care about again.  I feel I can think a little more
clearly, and look at things from others points of view too.

Something someone said recently really sticks with me today. There are no
feelings or thoughts that are right or wrong, you can't always rely on what
you are thinking or feeling at the moment.

I think in some respects, my withdraw, causes me to withdraw.
Animals lick their wounds when they are injured. This is only perfectly
natural during a regeneration process. But it helps to come out
of the den every once in a while to let my comrades know
how I am doing. And to find out how THEY are doing as well.

• Psychosocial dysfunction
• Anhedonia^[19]
• Depression
• Impaired interpersonal skills
• Obsessive-compulsive behaviour
• Feelings of guilt
• Autonomic disturbances
• Pessimistic thoughts
• Impaired concentration
• Lack of initiative
• Craving
• Inability to think clearly
• Memory problems
• Emotional overreactions or numbness
• Sleep disturbances
• Physical coordination problems
• Stress sensitivity
• Increased sensitivity to pain
• Panic disorder^[14]
• Generalised anxiety disorder^[14]

Symptoms occur intermittently, but are not always present. They are made worse by stress or other triggers and may arise at unexpected times and for no apparent reason. They may last for a short while or longer. Any of the following may trigger a temporary return or worsening of the symptoms of post acute withdrawal syndrome:^{[citation needed]}

• Stressful and/or frustrating situations
• Multitasking
• Feelings of anxiety, fearfulness or anger
• Social Conflicts
• Unrealistic expectations of oneself
• Too much on your to-do list

Love,
Jenny

About 10 Months In

This is a quote from someone on one of the forums I frequent for people who quit drinking~

"the other pivotal event was the realization that even though i wasn't drinking and drugging anymore i was still an addict and would always be dealing with the trauma(sometimes) of not being able to do things in half measures...all or none, like a nerve firing...on the bus or off the bus...which is it...aristotelian moderation is not an option so i better damn well find something acceptable to be addicted to...books...i always liked to read...even in the depths of the addiction there were books...in the last twenty-five years no one has ever walked up to me and shouted " have you been reading again?" or " how many books have you had today?"...

I love it! "how many books have you read today? Are you reading again?" So and so said they saw you walking out of the library! hehe

I've been thinking about starting a blog Chronicling my sober journey~letting cats out of the bag, and sorting through all the big, messy, wonderful shit of it all called life. I think that's my next step.

~Jenny

Jack

Would love to be in San Fran today
drinking beer in a bar with Jack Kerouac
it would only be a moment in time
truth wanders in that everyone 
eventually goes home
starts families
and such

poor Jack is left alone
at the counter with wrinkles
surrounded by younger birds
the newest flock to fly in

he is old
spent
ruddy
sad

has finally figured out
why he does not trust anyone
you see
this is not so at all

he just doesn’t
believe enough
in love
in his loveableness

that one can be loved so much
be worth all they are worth
seen for that
that someone would never
ever
do that to him

listening to 60.’s music
just to get by
remembering Jack
and the gleam in his eye
that soon dimmed to regret
until he died in his ma’s house
with a wife, and a pet

~Jenny