Love & ghosts

Love makes me cry
she has been coming in my dreams
with the most crystal clear
iridescent blue eyes
I have ever seen

the first night
she held me on her lap
like a little baby
and told me things
all of which I cannot remember
still I know
they are locked safely in my soul

the second night
she came too
and shared more secrets
but I am somewhat disturbed

I feel that she is helping me
she was the last person
I thought would come to my rescue
but she is trying to tell me something too
about the origins of my struggles

they are not from the dark Irish side
but from a legacy that remains a mystery

but she tells me this each time
where the struggles come from
for us all

she is my paternal grandmother
the one whose name I carry
the one whose blood and DNA
I carry
but had so long forgotten
now from so far away
she comes as a maternal comforter
and helper

my boyfriend says
that I have fits in my sleep
when I am able to get any sleep at all
sometimes
the night time work
is the hardest

~Jenny