A Prayer

My Mission Statement

I believe our lives are predestined
I do not believe we create our own
realities
I believe our decisions
have a cause and effect
and it is up to us 
which outcome we want to have
I believe in soul groups
I believe we are supposed to meet
and experience everyone
we come across
and learn from those experiences
I believe in handing things over to God
when it gets to be too much
I believe in love
soul mates
best friends
letting things go
letting things be
having the courage
when guided to
to change things
but not before their designated time
I believe in attempting
to control the mind
by giving unwanted thoughts
over to God
and asking the universal father
to help me with them
to forget and move on
to ease my suffering
I believe what feels right inside
and what I feel divinely guided to do

~Jenny

life as art

it seems
as the years
go by
we begin
to group things
as a whole

falling in love
messing up
getting well

succeeding
failing

having faith
loosing faith

moving forward

and these
are life

they are the painting
of our experience here

we awaken one morning
to find
that we have already
laid the outline
sketched the figures
and we begin
filling everything in
with their perspective
textures
and colors

and the painting
begins
to make some sense
begins to become
a portrait

we begin to wonder
is it us painting
the portrait
or the portrait
painting us
and the story
of a life

~Jenny

9-11

I remember that day very well
I think it gave the whole nation
post traumatic stress disorder
as a society and individually
I remember talking to my sister
about it
she had just visited the twin towers
for the first time on a vacation
so it was so much more real
to her
it was an actual place
she had been
seen
heard
smelled

the rest of us
just felt it

today it makes me sadder
than it did 10 years ago
for some reason

I look at the photograph
of the falling man
it made horrendous things
seem commonplace
and normal
things you feel humans
should never be exposed to

it is almost the same
as if the terrorists
had walked up
and assaulted each of the victims
with a striking blow
across their face

and we all stood there
in shock
in awe
not sure how to help
feeling so helpless

there are no longer words
to describe the sadness
that will always linger

~Jenny

True Colors

this song is on my mind today....

warning - existential meltdown in progress

 life.....
Is just like an ice cream sandwich
I love ice cream sandwiches
they taste good

Happiness is eating an ice cream sandwich
sadness is when it’s gone.
Hope is knowing that you still have more
in the freezer,
and you will eat another ice cream sandwich
another day.

Ice cream sandwiches
don’t give a shit
about Karma, rules
sinners, saints
you’re going to heaven
you’re going to hell
if you think you see ghosts
have prophetic dreams
possibly imagine
all kinds of hocus-pocus
bullshit
blah blah blah

their outer cookie
and inner creamy
cold goodness
only care about tasting good
and happiness

they don’t think
they just are
they are delicious

may this never
be known as the Tao
Zen Bible Secret Document
Transcript
Lost book
of Ice Cream Sandwiches
that is all.....

~Jenny

A little gratefulness

i just wanted to say
how very thankful I am
to those who visit my blog
and read of my meanderings
thoughts
and life.

i thorougly enjoy reading
all of yours
and sharing back and forth
i feel very lucky for this

and it's wonderful
that hearts and minds
can communicate
from so far away
yet so near

so to all the kindred spirits
I say thank you
for your presence
for your points of veiw
and for expressing who you are
in this electronic land

~Jenny

3 Beautiful Words

This morning it became apparent to me that:

I don't know

I don't know anything really.
I don't know if God is real.
If I have been chasing  a dream.
Seeing this life in the right or wrong way.
What is really real, and what is not.

all I do know at this point is that

I don't know

and that feels kind of good to say
without worry about lightening
or the hand of the all-mighty God
striking me down
because if he really is real
I'm sure he won't mind

and sometimes doubt
and disbelief
and belief in nothing
are sacred unto themselves. 

~Jenny

just when I think
I cannot do it anymore
I hug you goodbye
as I leave for work
hearts touching
the sun in my face
eyes closed
and I know
how much I love you

the depression comes
rolling in like a fog
slowly but surely
it travels even in my sleep
so that I wake up
to an overcast sky
even though the sun
is shining

I ask
“where have you been”
“Italy” it replies,
"it’s lovely this time of year."
“don’t you want to go abroad again?"
"Please?” I say.
“No, I have been homesick,
and lonely for you, I need someone
to talk to at night.”

I do not get a reprieve
even in my dreams
if I am able to sleep at all
I do not recognize
my night time wanderings
but the figures are disturbing
and I wish they would go away
and let me be.

I awake on a Tuesday,
eyes open, asking~
“Again?”

“Yes, Again.”

~Jenny

The Case of The Oranges

One time when I was sick
a boyfriend brought oranges to my house
he had cut them up nice
into slices
and put them in a Tupperware
they were picked from his own tree

I
was grateful
but not grateful enough
I got angry and yelled at him
for not wanting to stay with me
for wanting to leave me
alone when I was sick.
he didn’t want to catch what I had.

and in his straightforward way
that I had admired him for
he said,
“I cut up oranges and brought them to you,
and this is how you treat me?”

And you know what
he was right

it seems that
whenever a
certain someone
wants to do something nice for me
I always think there is an ulterior
motive

for example
today he called me and said
“I’m going to get bagels,
would you like any particular ones?”

Now....this is nice,
it’s a nice thing he is trying to do.
So after I said Asiago Cheese
and Poppy seed, I added that he better
not be going to see some other
girl or secret lover.

Why? Why why why do I
do this to myself,
and the people I love

I hung up the phone
and felt sad
and thought about oranges

~Jenny