Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

my thoughts turn to you today, I think of that house and your land when I think of Ohio and my childhood at this time of year, the beautiful Burgundy Cadillac carefully pulled out of the garage into the cold, with bright sun dancing off snow, the smell of white leather so pristine and clean, the ritual and habit of it all so comforting, and dependable, the extra strong hugs, thank you.

Monday, December 19, 2011

preparing for the new year

I have a feeling
that 2012
is going to be
a phenomenal year
of amazing and
unknown dreams
come true......
As well as the known
dreams, wants, heart felt
I feel it
I smile to it
I feel in peace of it
here is a list of a few things
so far that I would like
to do in 2012

*hang a dream catcher above our bed
*learn hand-writing analysis
*set up an arts and crafts area with new desk
*take a real honest to goodness art class at a college
*practice perfecting new hair styles
*practice cooking more (simple) homemade meals
(not frozen or from a box = )

that’s it for now


Thursday, December 1, 2011

I Am Lazy & Unambitious

He who has more, has more to loose. Or something like that. As I was working on my first paint by number kit last night, I realized that I do not want one so difficult. I don’t want to have to mix colors, I just want to leisurely paint~because, I am lazy! I don’t so much like a challenge anymore.  I have recently fully embraced the fact that I am lazy, and lack ambition. I used to feel like less than because of this, that I was always missing the boat, that everyone else was ahead of me and that I was a looser. I used to think it was my alcohol consumption that was to blame for this fact. Part of it was. Now that I don’t drink I am more prone to go out and buy nice things for the apartment that I have been wanting for a long time, or nice clothes for myself. I get more simple everyday things done and my life is more organized.

But I am still lazy, the only difference now is that I am coming to accept this about myself and even embrace it.  Especially in these times, I realize that my laziness and lack of ambition have served me well. While others are struggling to pay that mortgage, or make that car payment, or pay credit card bills, I have peace of mind. My lack of ambition to own my own home, to have all the latest and greatest, to have a new car ( I drive an eclectic 1990 Mercedes that cost me $1300.00 I paid cash = ) means that I have nothing to loose right now. My debt is one payment away from being paid off. If I want something nowadays I go with the slow and steady modo, I buy things here and there, and I pay cash on the barrel. I slowly build a better life and things are more meaningful and valuable to me that way.

I don't take on more challenges than I logically know will just make me miserable, or that I will dread being committed to. I have no illusions about what I am really capable of, or in reality will want to see through. I will do things when and how I want to, and not a moment before. If it requires too much effort and is optional, it won't be done, at least not right now = )

So today, I don’t feel like such a loser, I feel like a very lucky girl. Lazy and unambitious, but happy and lucky. I don’t want or expect a lot out of life. And I fully embrace and even dare say love, my laziness. Viva Le Sloths!