Thursday, September 20, 2012

this is the last
order of business
I had to take care of
to clean out
the old life
I am sorry if I hurt you
it is time to go
for both of us.

I had to level
the playing field
I have placed people
and situations
on impossible
my whole life
and then damned them
when they fell short
of what I expected them to be

Well, I no longer deal
in pedestals,
or high hopes
the ground is leveled
it feels good beneath
our feet
and I can look you in the face
for once.

I will never place you
on lofty heights
away from me
where you can fall
even if I am the cause
of that fall
in my head

we, after all
are all human


Monday, September 10, 2012

Just Another Day

Driving to work this morning
the radio set to the classical music station
scritchity scratching
in between the piano keys
fading in and out
I leave it on anyways
I pull up and forgot
she is not here Mondays
two jobs today
change my date stamp
as always
after two and a half days
it never seems to be enough
put the CD in the CD player
I take out the endless drawn out
and put in Chakras gone wild
yes, today we need some Chakras
gone wild
and I think of Jack Kerouac
and how I need to read his journal
when I get home
because Jack knew
he knew how it was
and my body feels sloooow
and time is slooow
and my healing process
has been slooow
the other morning I woke up
with and irresistible urge
to tear up pictures of you
it all started there
he’s a nice guy
they said
he just has problems
poor him
no, nice guys don’t do that
he was just an asshole
like the rest of them
I try not to play the victim
and I become angry
I have been angry a long time
I did things backwards
trying to forgive first
then becoming increasingly
angry later
until I realize
my anger is at myself
because there is a common
in all of this
and it is me
why did I put up with it
why did I always take it that far
and why am I still thinking
about these things.