Death was nothing to me then
as I sit here in a mundane life
typing away meaningless shit.
I am brought back,
something brought me back to it
and my ears started ringing.
I am very young.
And that day comes again.
Riding in my grandfather’s pristine
car with the white interior.
My grandmother’s mother has died.
We are going to her funeral.
But, it is not sad.
But, it is not happy.
It just is.
As I watch it all out of my
little girl movie camera in my head.
I see us pass by the trees and green
green grass on the road in Ohio.
are all together.
I know it is for something special.
But that is all I know.
We are all together, in our souls even
and it is a beautiful day outside.
And other people are in charge.
I always liked it when other people
were in charge.
And the white leather of the seats
is so soft. And the grandma and grandpa
smell is beyond comfort.
We get to a church.
I look up at big glass windows
in the wooden tower
streaming in light.
I think some people are crying.
This is something for great grandma.
But I do not feel sad for her.
I just observe.
I somehow know she is not here anymore.
At the cemetery, there is a tent,
and a casket is lowered,
and a priest says some words.
I will never forget.
“Ashes to ashes, and dust to dust.”
So it is to the dust we return.
We can throw some dirt on her coffin
in the hole to remember this for her.
It is my turn.
I take my handful.
And I let go every last bit
and brush both my hands together
like one would after gardening
to get all the dirt off.
To make extra sure this was
good for her.
I do remember this.
This was death
to my little girl mind
to my little girl soul
who was not so far away
from her source at that time.
The Awakening - You Find It In You
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