Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Bored.


Bored.

Bored with the internet, bored with the struggles.

I have reached a strange place in my life.

There is too much information out there.

We are bombarded every day.

For example, I was just surfing the net.

Articles about topics that used to interest me

Like Ceres, there are new pictures.

Do I want to read this long ass article? No.

Because they aren’t going to tell us what those lights are.

Do I want to read the article about Russian planes by

US Navy ship? No because nothing has happened and

Probably won’t.

Do I want to read the article about how California could

Potentially have a massive earthquake due to faults in the

Ocean? No because it hasn’t happened and might not.

Bored.

I have experienced intense sparkling  light and dark night of

Soul in being a drunkard , drug addict, promiscuous sex, men.

Over came these and the overcoming of them was a topic

For years. Now it seems a non issue. I am bored with the

Fact it all happened, and I am finally bored of the overcoming of it.

So what’s next? I can understand now why there is this huge universe,

Possibly multiversus and infinite possibilities, because being a human

Becomes boring after a time.

I have reached a state of blissful apathy.

I don’t care anymore that I have been struggling to work for almost a year.

I don’t care anymore that my partner has been out of work for

Over 5 years. I’m tired of the stress and the struggle.

So I gently renounce it.

I will do the next best thing for survival, but this apathy thing

Feels kind of nice.

I just admitted to myself and God in the wee hours of the dark

Morning how very hard the last year has really been.

It was not safe to go there until now, but I felt how very painful

And grueling it has all been day after day, night after night.

And it didn’t break me. It was just facing stark reality in a safe place.

And I was able to have compassion for myself.

So this bordom feels somewhat like an epiphany,

It’s warm and light, it’s who I truly am at my core,

Is this a form of enlightenment? Everything has been

Stripped away now, and all that remains is LOVE.

Just love.

I watched Starman with my man last night.

In it the alien says they have been watching us for

Quite some time, we are a beautiful and unique species,

In that we are at our best when things are at their worst.

These days I find the only thing that brings me true happiness

And unbores me, is helping others where I can. Spending time

With those I love, and loving them. Showing the young what

Has made me truly happy in my life past and present.

I’m ok with that. This is where I have reached, sitting under a

Boring tree of apathy, boredom and finding love.

Perhaps humans are the only species in the universe

That can love.
 
-- Jenny

 

 

 

 

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