Viva La Pippi

She’s been laying in the grass eating Popsicles all day
her tongue has turned a lovely shade of purple
by the way

The clouds that pass by are any number of things
royalties galore
and dreams with wings

And most days now she takes her elfin friend
into town to see a picture show again

She will not be bothered
by the bothersomes of life
she is the new Pippi Longstocking
of mother’s and wives

~Jenny

Wanted: Angst Free Zone

Angst is a German, Danish, Norwegian and Dutch word for fear or anxiety. (Anguish is its Latinate equivalent.) It is used in English to describe an intense feeling of strife. The term Angst distinguishes itself from the word Furcht (German for "fear") in that Furcht usually refers to a material threat (arranged fear), while Angst is usually a nondirectional emotion.
In other languages having the meaning of the Latin word pavor, the derived words differ in meaning, e.g. as in the French anxiété and peur. The word Angst has existed since the 8th century, from the Proto-Indo-European root *anghu-, "restraint" from which Old High German angust developed. It is pre-cognate with the Latin angustia, "tensity, tightness" and angor, "choking, clogging"; compare to the Greek "άγχος" (ankhos): stress. (Wikipedia)

I’m going to invent a new cereal with nuts, bolts and sharp tacks–with a vulture as a mascot that toots “follow your angst.” I will call it Angst Loops.
Or perhaps a new game–Ring Around The Angst.
Skip to my Angst?
Red Rover, Red Rover, let Angst come over.
It Angst got that thing, if it Angst got that swing.
“Knock-knock”
“whose there?”
“Angst”
“Angst who?”

Ahh Angst, so glad you could come. Sit, would you like some tea? What’s that? You would like to stay in the guest room for a while? Why sure, let me get you an extra blanket.

~Jenny

Katana

I broke my anklet that day
that you were sprawled out
on the street
dying?
I had to put aside my anger
and rush to your side
in spite of
your ribs ripped open
nothing came out
do you not bleed?
And where were your ex girlfriends then
too busy with nails and hair
to attend to your wounds
while my wound
was left gaping

~Jenny

These Dreams

I had a dream last night that I was half Chinese
I had not known this my whole life
I just discovered it,
and was slightly relieved
to have an answer to why I do not belong
And I set out
in search of my people

~Jenny

Look out--she's reading "The Art of War"

"Use order to await chaos.
Use stillness to await clamor.
This is ordering the heart-mind."

"Use the near to await the far.
Use ease to await labor.
Use fullness to await hunger.
This is ordering strength"

(The Art of War--Sun Tzu)

The Equator

“Here, have a sunflower seed on me,” she said
as she passed the tiny nutty flavored treasure to her friend.
She took it with her dirty fingers and mulled it over in her hand,
turning it over and over in her palm
before placing it in her mouth and smiling.
“Mmm” she said, “much better.”

“After all, it is summer, you know, sunflowers and all.”

“I hate summer,” she said with half closed sad eyes.
“I wish it would go away, the year before last was the worst,           
I can never sleep, it’s too hot, and that’s when the insanity always
seems to set it, people just go crazy, the world goes crazy,
and people seem to die in these months, people you love.”
She slumped down in the wooden chair that was too low
to the ground, but nicely cushioned.

“Well you always have the option of moving back and forth
each year, between the northern and southern hemisphere, that way
you could have an eternal winter–until that it is, you come to hate winter too.”

“Sigh” and she said nothing more again until the seasons changed.

~Jenny

A Rainbow In The Dark

welcome longest day of the year
remember when we swam in naked in your stream?
Welcome shortest day of the year
on the other side of the hemisphere
how I wish we could trade
your lovely winter
for this summer
and early dark nights
by the firelight
as wood crackles deep
in earths comforting sleep
in our half of the land
she is too much awake
and cannot slumber peacefully
for heavens sake
Give us marshmallows for watermellon
and hot cocoa for iced tea
give us an excuse to be lazy
beneath leafless trees

~Jenny

"Well if I was in your position I’d put down all my ammunition I’d wonder why it had taken me so long"

(Lyrics)
I was sitting, waiting, wishing
You believed in superstitions
Then maybe you would see the signs
But lord knows that this world is cruel
And I ain’t the lord no I’m just a fool
Learning loving somebody
Don’t make them love you
Must I always be waiting, waiting on you?
Must I always be playing, playing your fool?

I sang your songs I danced your dance
I gave your friends all a chance
But putting up with them
Wasn’t worth never having you
Maybe you’ve been through this before
But it’s my first time so please ignore
The next few lines because they’re directed at you
I can’t always be waiting, waiting on you
I can’t always be playing, playing your fool

I keep playing your part
But it’s not my scene
Want this plot to twist
I’ve had enough mystery
You keep building it up
But then you’re shooting me down
But I’m already down
Just wait a minute
Just sitting, waiting
Just wait a minute
Just sitting, waiting

Well if I was in your position
I’d put down all my ammunition
I’d wonder why it had taken me so long
But lord knows that I’m not you
And if I was I wouldn’t be so cruel
Because waiting on love
Ain’t so easy to do
Must I always be waiting, waiting on you?
Must I always be playing, playing your fool?

Life

Will they turn the lights on after we’re finished here
and check to see that all of the safety bars
have been put back in their proper
positions
the thrills and chills that glowed in the dark
will become nothing but paper mache
and simple mechanics
the fire breathing dragon
with the glowing eyes
will sadly jerk back
into his harmless position
everything revealed for what it really is
until they open early tomorrow
and sell tickets
for the next ride

~Jenny

There Have Been Dreams

There have been dreams
of bicycles
Amun Ra
and tombs
Egyptian statues
old neighborhoods
broken cars
and wind through the hair
happiness
satisfaction
patience
and your ex girlfriend
mysterious guides
who explain
and show the way
in the night time hours

~Jenny

(From Wikipedia)
Amun, reconstructed Egyptian Yamānu (also spelled Amon, Amoun, Amen, and rarely Imen, Greek Ἄμμων Ammon, and Ἅμμων Hammon), was a God in Egyptian mythology and Berber Mythology who in the form of Amun-Ra became the focus of the most complex system of theology in Ancient Egypt. Whilst remaining hypostatic deities, Amun represented the essential and hidden, whilst in Ra he represented revealed divinity. As the creator deity "par excellence", he was the champion of the poor and central to personal piety. Amun was self created, without mother and father, and during the New Kingdom he became the greatest expression of transcendental deity in Egyptian theology. He was not considered to be immanent within creation nor was creation seen as an extension of himself. Amun-Ra, likewise with the Hebrew creator deity, did not physically engender the universe. His position as King of Gods developed to the point of virtual monotheism where other Gods became manifestations of him. With Osiris, Amun-Ra is the most widely recorded of the Egyptian Gods.

A Perfect Life

My sister once told me, when I was going through a rough time and trying to figure out who I want to be, that I should write down what my perfect day would be like.  I did this and it helped to give me direction and find out some things I really want.  I took this a step further the other day and wrote down what my perfect life would be like.  I found some stuff out about me that I didn’t know.  Like that I wanted to dress nice for work more, my job is in a very casual atmosphere and sometimes I get stuck in the jeans and flip flops mode.  It seems I am forever wearing flip flops.  Here is a list of some other things that would make up a perfect life:

*cooking foods for people I love that I think they will find delicious
*learning to use a telescope and knowing where everything in the galaxy is, and sharing this with people I love, especially with my nieces and nephew
*making more art and having my creations in art shows just for the fun of it
*having more friends that are like minded that I can hang with
*going to have coffee with just myself (dressed very bohemian) bringing journals and books and getting to know who I am out in the world instead of just hiding out at home
*going on more trips with my boyfriend
*having a job where I don’t have to answer the phone and have many different responsibilities to keep me busy and satisfied
*Learning to play the piano, and play it well

While I can’t do all of these things right now, I can do some.  I have started dressing nicer for work a few days this week (with high heels and all) and I feel better for it.  I made my boyfriend dinner last night and insisted that he would like what I was making (he’s very picky) and he ate it all and said he would eat it again. I plan on taking some day trips on the weekends or even overnight trips here and there to start on the travel part.  I know life is never perfect, but maybe I can get as close as possible, little by little.

~Jenny

Songs of The Mother

A well known saying from the bible: "Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For ye are like unto whited sepulchres, which indeed appear beautiful outward, but are within full of dead men's bones, and of all uncleanliness."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Everyone is tired
Espiritus Sanctus
she sings over the bones
with her long hair tear stained
and falling in the sepulchres
stirring them up
they are ugly on the inside
the box is beautiful
she weeps and sings
sings and weeps
oh Espiritus Sanctus
manifest from the bottom
of our ugly souls
oh how do we put away the phallus
for good in this life
and welcome the nurture
of the yoni
Espiritus Sanctus
Sing for us mother
sing
and wash us clean
of our fatigue
guilt shame
inadequacy
then sit us down
pat our hair
and give us a smoke
and a cheese burger
with extra fries

~Jenny

Preventing Burnout: Signs, Symptoms, Causes, and Coping Strategies

Preventing Burnout: Signs, Symptoms, Causes, and Coping Strategies

This is a good article on how to handle burn out. Many of us don't realize how tired and unfulfilled we are until we hit a wall. This really helped me, especially the part about this: 

"Burnout is an undeniable sign that something important in your life is not working. Take time to think about your hopes, goals, and dreams. Are you neglecting something that is truly important to you? Burnout can be an opportunity to rediscover what really makes you happy and to change course accordingly."

I noticed that I have stopped doing any type of art in the last few months because I just don't feel motivated to and think what's the use? But this week I'm going to pull out my collage stuff and do it anyway. Hope this helps you too.

Marshmallow Soul

You with your marshmallow soul
gets burnt in the fire
crispy on the outside
but oh so soft and gooey
on the inside

You with your candy heart
they all took a lick
some tried to bite to the center
some didn’t even bother
to take off the wrapper

~Jenny

love

There is someone for everyone
even the fat lesbian
sitting on her couch
even the out of contact with the world
geek
with braces and sausage curled hair
even the pimply faced recluse
on his computer
we all find love
love finds us
love loves itself
so much
it wants to see itself everywhere

~Jenny

some thoughts on introversion

As I get older I notice I am becoming more introverted.
I have always been an introvert.
I relish my time at home, or intimate moments with just one or two
people, doing something quiet like watching TV
or reading together,
or seeing a movie,
or making art.
When you can spend time with someone
in the same room, but in separate spaces
sharing the quiet and some conversation
just being present together.
But I’m finding I need more and more time alone.
And this scars me.
Am I becoming some kind of recluse?
Or is it just time to have a quiet,
peaceful and simple life.
I’ve done my running around
like a crazy Pippi, I still like to run
around ocasionally, and that’s good
but it’s less and less.
Taco Tuesday for me and my love last night,
was picking up Taco’s and watching
House Wives of New Jersey,
then me going home to work out while watching
Deep Space Nine,
then him coming over for more Deep Space Nine
and our favorite popcorn.
I like being alone more and more.
I read, I play computer games,
I watch one series after another on DVD.
Life gets quiet.
But still I know I am lacking a rhythm
a flow
quiet days should not be mundane.
Sometimes we have to pick up the rhythm of the beat again
the one we either determine or the one that is being
played for us at the moment
and get in sync with it
as we bounce up and down
and sway side to side
through our life each day.
Right now, my beat has gone from an all out
tribal extravaganza
to the lone drum of the Shaman
the hermit
and surprisingly
I like it
now if only I can find balance
and pick up a comfortable rhythm
to dance to it through my life
with my body and my soul.

~Jenny

dans la lune

How lonely we felt
out there in the darkness
humans are we
what is the exact distance from the earth
to the moon
will we ever get home
the dust feels soft
the air breathes cold
but the closer to God are we
standing on the horizon
where no known man has walked before
I peered out into the darkness
into the tiny specks of light
and strained my eyes
as I do on earth
to see deeper and deeper still
hoping to catch a glimpse of something
I shall never see again
in this suit I wear
It was as if there was the deepest canyon
grand canyon
you could fall in forever
between us and the earth
I want to go home
I want to stay here forever

~Jenny