Tuesday, November 30, 2010

I can’t remember
when these jeans
I am wearing
were new
and the knees
were not torn
and the buckle
didn’t constantly
come undone
and all of the rhinestones
were still in tact
I can’t remember
just like I can’t remember
why I have kept
that fucking
toaster oven
coach
bookcase
dresser
microwave
mattresses
big oozing
sores
that I have carried around
for years
from one place to another
shouting
you don’t deserve more
make due
make due
I should have saved
I should have saved
each dollar
as a testament
to how I feel
about myself
and a love note
to say
you
deserve more
and eventually
the things build
up
and they are not just things
but daily reminders
that I was worth it
I’m not 14 anymore
I’m 35
right on the edge
of becoming an adult
right on the edge
of giving a fuck
about myself
and what I want

~Jenny

2 comments:

Christopher Dos Santos said...

Namaste, my sister Jenny. Three times in my adult life I lost everything I owned. If we fail to release material trappings the universe has a way of helping us out:) If that is our destiny acceptance is the only road we can travel.

Is it the toaster oven, bookcase and microwave? Or is there another reason for these feelings. In my brief acquaintance with you I would submit these material items may represent the flux you are in regarding your spiritual path.

I think you are ready to release materialism in favour of another search. The itch for material comfort may never be scratched if it is not your true path. You definitely seem to be sitting on an edge of choice, unsure of how you see your future. I see love...

In Lak' esh, sister Jenny, searching for flow...

Notes From Pippi said...

It's definitely a time of transformation, and it's manifesting on the outside of my life. The beat up items I have carried from place to place out of fear of letting go, fear of lack because I too have lost some things many times. I feel that letting go of the old will make way for new, for the next "phase". Thank you so much for your comments.