Wednesday, July 27, 2011

a good place

I looked in the mirror this morning and thought
have a history
of lovers and friends
of experiences
this face has seen a lot
a lot has seen this face
I am coming to terms
with my past
it’s like sorting through dresser drawers
and pulling items out
“I want to get rid of this,
aww..remember this?
let's keep it.”
was me
this is me now
for the first time in my adult life
I’m starting to really embrace
that I would not take any of it back
the good or the bad
if I could go back in time
and speak
to my 20 year old self
and tell her anything now
it would be
“carry on...”
And then
I would be silent
to let her live
and have all her experiences
I would not
rob her of that
this is what happens
when you get in
a safe place
I quit drinking
over six months ago
that’s about all I have to
say about that right now
but if I would have never
started on this journey
I would still be looking back
and cringing
with embarrassment
and fear
instead of introspection
and guardianship
of myself
I am creating the future now
in the present
creating good memories
making the right decisions
or the best I know how
it’s all the same you know
past, present, future
and at any time
we have the power
in one moment
to change the whole thing
if we want to.



Laura said...

I am in awe. And, I am happy that you would not change any of the days of your life. Every thread in a tapestry is critical to the beauty of the design. And what a beautiful design you are weaving on your loom.

Angelica said...

I loved this. Our experiences, whatever they may be, mold and shape who we are. It is in our struggle that we learn the deepest truths of who we are and what we're capable of. We wouldn't want you any other way :)