Thinking back on some things~I realize now~that there is sometimes nothing you can change about some situations.  Things will happen no matter what you do. Sometimes, it doesn't even concern you, when you think it does. And the outcome would have been the same no matter what part you had played. So best to check your reaction, true motives in helping, not helping~is ego involved or love? Busy bodyness? Or really helpful, to yourself and others in hard times? No~I have decided it is best to examine my heart, to look at everything with discernment and much thoughtfulness and guard my reactions to fit what is best for myself, others, and the situation as a whole. God does, as God wants to do, and the reasons are not always clear to us little humans~who think we have all the answers, or can change some impossible, divinely guided appointment or situation. And that's ok with me, it lets us all off the hook a little.  We each have our own path, our own destiny. It's not all about me. Really, its not, thank God.

~Jenny

Pippi's diggin' Ricky Nelson on a Wednesday

why i HATE religion

I know of people
who go to church
every Sunday
some perhaps
everyday
but after their rosaries
and prayers
and wafers
they are still
seething
with venom

some
simply show up
dressed appropriately
for the times
of course
saying apostles creeds
kneeling on prayer rugs
making signs
of a cross
on their body
but...on their soul?

and when those
who attend church
at all costs
talk of hate
judgement
damnation
gossip
no one is safe
be it from their
words
criticism
or bombs
one thought
comes to my mind

did not Jesus say...
it is not what you put
into your body
but what comes out of it

how backwards
they have it
do we not have
enough to worry about
as humans

heartbreak
death
disease
starvation
natural disasters
sadness
of our fellow man
we really are
so very fragile
and need the cushioning
of love

it is a shame
we have to worry
about assaults
from without
from all directions

I look into faces
at the airport
trying to make their way
home
or to get to somewhere
each a story
to tell
yet
first
we look with
suspicion
and fear
rather than
compassion
wonderment
and love
and the woman
beside me
lets me go first
through
security
and gently says...
“We are all family here”
she must belong
to the religion
of the heart.....

~Jenny

dreaming a mile high

red rabbits
heading for
higher ground
“run fools, run”
they say
how rare
are they
only to appear
as catastrophe is near
as if to say
come this way
to where it is safe
did you not know
this was coming
right on our red heels
and yours
do not stay
to be trampled
to the floor
to become nevermore
run, rabbit
run
and show us the way
to safety and love
this day

~Jenny

Working through your shit sucks. Especially when God...is silent.

what if?

Earth....
is a hostile planet
with earthquakes
tornadoes
storms
tsunamis
scorching heat
bitter cold
cataclysms

perhaps that is why
it is the experimenting ground
for incarnation
just like we used the desert
to test
atomic bombs

perhaps other places
in the universe
are much more
suitable
and safe
for life

perhaps earth
is expendable

compared to what
we know not

~Jenny

I liked this song as a teenager, but it had a different meaning for me back then, amidst my own turmoil, the drugs, the sadness. It was more personal.  Now this song is universal to me and I think speaks a lot of the world we live in now.  The hardened hearts, the materialism, the turning our backs thinking someone else will do something, our egos, our addictions, the distractions we all allow ourselves~from ourselves and each other.  All we can do is pick a corner to lift up. Our own small corner and start peeling little by little.  Beautiful video, and very moving.
Love,
Jenny

People stand along Mississippi River

People stand along the Mississippi River as floodwaters slowly rise in Memphis, Tennessee May 7, 2011. Memphis-area residents were warned on Saturday that the Mississippi River was gradually starting to "wrap its arms" around the city and rise to record levels.« Read less

REUTERS/Eric Thayer (UNITED STATES - Tags: DISASTER ENVIRONMENT)

flood waters rise
so beautiful, so beautiful
all the worries of the people
so sad, so sad
mamma’s with their babies
and children
all marched up to the edge
saying that if they had never built
in the first place
they would not be in this predicament
if they would have kept to the old ways
they would have so little to loose
loose or gain
would be the same thing
to all the people
standing there
watching the waters edge
as it gently rolls in
and prayers
are on our lips for them
tonight and always
for them
and all us humans
stranded here
on planet earth.

~Jenny

Oft We Forget

how oft we forget
that we wanted to be
astronauts
writers
athletes

how oft we forget
that we wanted to be
married
with children
and a home

how oft we forget
that we wanted to be
forest rangers
cowboys
Indians
truck drivers

how oft we forget
our dreams
or the child
who still lyes
dreaming within

~Jenny

Ode To Spooky

I remember the first day we got you
as we perused the aisles of poor
orphan cats
“All Black Cats $5.00"
your neighbor was feisty and started
climbing up your dad’s shoulder
when he held him
no, not the right one.
Then we came to you
your dad took you out of the cage
and held you with your paws
secured in his hands
you looked so cute
your face so sweet
and just something about you
we put you down in the room
and sat with you to get to know you
better.
At first you were able to control
yourself,
and a little shy even
but then
you started running
jumping
playing
We knew you had a little spark in you
“We should come back,” he said
“We should just do it now,” I said
so we placed our $5.00 bet
and brought you home
on a very special day
my sisters birthday
and the first day of
my new beginning
you melted my heart
you grounded me
you brought peace
and playfulness
humor
and love
I never want you to see me
in a bad way
this I vow
you take my side
you are my comrade
my ally
I love you so.
thank God...
for cats.

~Jenny

 

Weight just a minute....

I must rant, and I must rant because I know there are so many other people out there who deal with this issue....weight and self image.  Sure I’m a little overweight~I’m 5'4" and weight 155 pounds. I’ve even lost a couple of pounds in the last few months without dieting.  I have one friend in particular who is about 30 pounds heavier who continually tells me I should go see her diet doctor. A co-worker yesterday, who while she is normally insane about everything, who took my measurements and based on a chart she was using said I am borderline obese (she happens to weigh 190)? WTF...!  Both these ladies are trying to loose weight.  While I have expressed a slight desire to eat healthier here and there, I have not said that I want to go on a diet etc. etc.

I have some pretty big fish to fry right now. I am dealing with gaining more and more momentum of living without a substance that helped me cope, or so I thought.  Can I not do this first for Christ’s sake? Can people not mind their own F’in body business.  Some people are so uncomfortable with people who can accept themselves as they are at the moment.  As women in this society, we are supposed to want to constantly diet, share diets, exercise together, compare pounds lost. Well I say Fuck that! Sorry for the language.  I would like to loose 10-15 pounds, I think that is reasonable. I would like to start going for walks regularly and be consistent with it, and even maybe enjoy it. But I want to do these on my own terms and in my own time.

Is it not better to stand in front of the mirror in your towel and ask yourself to appreciate your natural breasts, your full hips, your little bit o’ fullness? Like a renaissance painting? Is this ok to work on coming to terms with yourself inside and how you view yourself instead of trying to make your outside match everyone else’s?

It bugs me. We have criticized ourselves enough, pushed ourselves to slight insanity and self loathing, we don’t need others to f’up our agenda in trying to cultivate a little self love, taking it easy on ourselves and some self acceptance. And.....learning to tell those whose outside doesn’t match our insides to take a hike.  Blah, blah, blah...that is all.  Thanks for reading.  

~Jenny

I love you just the way you are~

We have to learn to love people, the way we want to be loved. This song was on my mind this morning, I wanted to sing it to you....but I can't sing. So it's here, for you. Maybe you could really use it today.