My Inner Critic is Gay and wears plaid pants

"So you missed the boat.." he says.
What boat?
"Exactly," he says.
Where was it going anyways?
"You know," he says, "it was going THERE."
Well where the hell is there?
"You know–THERE," he says.
Well how do I know that I ever wanted to go THERE in the first place?
"Cause EVERYONE wants to go THERE, EVERYONE knows THAT," he said as he crossed one leg over the other in his tailored plaid pants.
His cheap cologne wafted my way, it smelled great.

Ok, so if I were to have gotten THERE, what would I be doing anyways?
"What everyone else THERE would be doing, duugh lady, your not a sharp one are you?"
Well would it have been fun, would things be different now?
"Hmmm, I want to say everyone would think so, but I’m not a time traveler."
Me neither.
"I guess we’ll never find out then, but I’ve done my job here, you still missed the boat."
Thanks, thanks a lot.

~Jenny Miller