Thursday, September 1, 2011

The Case of The Oranges

One time when I was sick
a boyfriend brought oranges to my house
he had cut them up nice
into slices
and put them in a Tupperware
they were picked from his own tree

I
was grateful
but not grateful enough
I got angry and yelled at him
for not wanting to stay with me
for wanting to leave me
alone when I was sick.
he didn’t want to catch what I had.

and in his straightforward way
that I had admired him for
he said,
“I cut up oranges and brought them to you,
and this is how you treat me?”

And you know what
he was right

it seems that
whenever a
certain someone
wants to do something nice for me
I always think there is an ulterior
motive

for example
today he called me and said
“I’m going to get bagels,
would you like any particular ones?”

Now....this is nice,
it’s a nice thing he is trying to do.
So after I said Asiago Cheese
and Poppy seed, I added that he better
not be going to see some other
girl or secret lover.

Why? Why why why do I
do this to myself,
and the people I love

I hung up the phone
and felt sad
and thought about oranges

~Jenny


3 comments:

Stranger in a Strange Land said...

HABIT!

MIke

Christopher Dos Santos said...

Namaste sister, orange moments are important benchmarks which can be the impetus for massive change. When I was an arrogant braggart of a young buck an old man I worked with happened to mention

"Chris, if you took the word I out of your vocabulary you wouldn't have much to say"

I was 22 then, I worked with the man for 4 months on a pipeline. He was a nasty piece of work, not the kind of man who you would warm up to. However, I did respect the power he commanded on the line and his intelligence as an engineer was noted by all. His name was Jim Cunningham and I often think of him (even today in the shower). To make a long story short, his comments stung deep and was part and parcel responsible for me working much harder on my personality foibles.

Remember there are two who dwell as one, the Ego Self is being allowed free reign so it merely is doing what it prefers; which is create maya. I never knew a monkey that could resist raising a little hell.

Beyond the Ego Self, your second character God Self will always choose unity and unconditional love. I see this character often in your writing and know this to be your preferred true nature.

I always try to remember that at all moments of my day I am two separate beings building two separate houses. One house is built of egoic fear, I choose to greatly limit the building on this abode. The other house, built of God SElf love is magnificent, I try to remain steadfast in building this home.

Never do I fret when I find myself building the wrong home. Instead, I laugh at the monkey and graciously reawaken my God Self builder within.

All fine and dandy right my sister Jennifer, but how does one travel the preferred road? This in my opinion can only be accomplished by creating a third personality, the Observer Self. The role of this third party observer is to act as the rudder of ones ship. We all know that a sailboat must always have dedicated attention paid to the rudder. Without the observer, the ship will inevitable founder.

When you choose to guide your life with the benefit of a third self "Observer Self" these orange moments can really be a big help. We experience these "Orange moments as painful tweeks to our senses, however, my dear sister we can utilise this pain as reminders of why we need attend our course.

In Lak' ech, dear Jen, observe your path choose the builder...

Jennifer said...

dear Christopher,
thank you for your comment, it brings a lovely fragrant to my senses = ) I am starting to read a book on The Course In Miracles and noticed a chapter today on Observing. Interesting, I should probably go read it now. Thank you for taking the time to visit me.
Bless you~