Goodbye...Markus. May God be with you.

Animal

I’ve given you
the underside
of my belly
smooth and white
the same underside
I lay shivering
behind bushes with
as I held in
my innards
after a fast claw
with one swipe
spilled out
all my good fruits
I held them into
myself
until they healed
I may have dropped
a few here and there
but now there is smoothness
and white
and I trust you
not to swipe me

~Jenny

A New Dawn

I’m thinking about her a lot today.
It’s funny, how you never choose
when or where to think of those
who have passed on.
She had a good heart.
It was just broken.
I say Our Father’s
and Hail Mary’s for her
regularly
just in case.
And I imagine
that she is like a little girl
learning all these secrets
and seeing all these wonderful things
gasping and exclaiming
“no kidding!”
And laughing and laughing
at the hidden simplicity
of it all.
And I bet God is really glad
to have her home
because she was loving
I saw a lot of love in her
beneath it all.
I keep telling myself,
she just couldn’t do it,
and that’s ok.
But I wonder,
what it would have been like
if she could have
if she could have stopped
and become
the swan that she is
here on this earth.
I imagine her like that,
and then think
she is probably like that in heaven.
And I look over to the picture
of Jesus
and I ask him
to please take good care of her
and be with her
cause she has a good heart.

~Jenny

Embroidery of the Heart

she has a nest
in her uterus
with blue robins eggs
they are speckled
and fragile
but oh so beautiful
and amongst
the magical twigs
and hairs of animals
she carefully selected
each one
to make her lair
where creation
is the yearning
of all her heart
and she dreams
little bird dreams
in mother’s house
under the stars
of weaving together
planets
and universes
and moon beams
and fantasizes
about the thread
the silky thread
smoothly
looping in and out
of the pristine white
fabric
using long
feminine nails
to rhythmically
pull the needle
in and back
in and back
and sprinkle glitter
on the paint
and tie things together
with bright colors
sometimes
if you listen closely
you can hear her
chirping her song in there
where the baby once lye
or none at all
singing knit knit
sew sew
and build my nest.

~Jenny

A Rainy Wednesday Morning

the cats’s in the cradle
and I’m in my bed
my head is clear
but my body aches
I don’t have to worry
about certain things anymore
such a relief
but now I have to worry
about other things
things I should have
respectively
been worried about
all along
I didn’t have the strength
I made it into work today
I kept asking myself
what for
why are you pushing yourself
as my soul whined
that it just wanted to go
somewhere
to be alone today
2 and a half more
days
but the words
don’t wish a day of your life away
by those older and wiser
echo in my head
he’s shutting me out
and I just want to run
and hide
I’m tired
the cat likes closets
tries to get into them
while I try to get ready
for work
I don’t blame her
maybe she is trying to tell me
something
I’d like to be
in a closet today
too
and explore
a new small space
in comforting darkness
and aloneness
just for a while

~Jenny

The Voice

Do you remember that time
you were on your friends roof
only 5 years old or so
and you were all sitting on there
it was the roof of a shed
or some other not very high
structure
but
in your little mind
you thought
it was much higher than it was
there were autumn leaves
all about
and you all got in trouble
for being up there
to a grown person
it wasn’t very tall
but to a little one
it could have been
...detrimental

Do you remember that time
when you, your brother
and his friend
were playing
in the tree
as children always
like to climb
a tree
and he got stuck
and was hanging
there
screaming
afraid
and you ran full speed
to the house to get help
from the friends father
it seemed like an impossible
journey
so worried about your brother
to an adult
it may have been
a short fall
but to a little one
it could have been
detrimental...
~Jenny

Happy Valentine's Day Kaw

The Day is Done.... by Longfellow

Come, read to me some poem,
Some simple and heartfelt lay,
That shall soothe this restless feeling,
And banish the thoughts of the day.
Not from the grand old masters;
Their mighty thoughts suggest
Life’s endless toil and endeavor,
And tonight I long for rest!
Read from some humbler poet,
Whose songs gushed from his heart
As showers from the clouds of summer,
Or tears from the eyelids start.
Such songs have power to quiet
The restless pulse of care,
And come like the benediction
That follows after prayer.
Then read from the treasured volume
The poem of thy choice,
And lend to the rhyme of the poet
The beauty of thy voice. And the night shall be filled with music,
And the cares, that infest the day,
Shall fold their tents, like the Arabs,
And as silently steal away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
Look Well to This Day 
Anonymous, 50 B.C.

Look well to this day,
For it and it alone is life.
In its brief course
Lie all the essence of your existence:
The Glory of Growth
The Satisfaction of Achievement
The Splendor of Beauty
For yesterday is but a dream,
And tomorrow is but a vision.
But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness,
And every tomorrow a vision of hope.

As I woke up on the couch last night, this song was playing over and over in my head. I have not heard it recently.  As I tried to fall back to sleep until 4:00 in the morning, after prayers and too much thinking it continued to play on inside of me. If you read the words it's very spiritual and meaningful on so many levels.

 

 Looking out the window

at my Mercedes at work
my old Mercedes
I realize it is mine
and
this is my life
I’m in it
it’s here
now
I exist

realizing the power
of creation
the power for us to
create
is the greatest gift
from God
and something to be
handled very careful
it’s a sticky business
we can either succeed
in all the things that really
matter in this life
with that power
or fail miserably

feeling my gift
to create
what I want
with guidance
a horse I am
being led to water
I’ll worry about
whether or not
I will drink that water
when I get there

“Just When The Caterpillar
Thought the world was over
it became a butterfly”
~Proverb (author unknown)

I thought the world
was over this morning
contemplated
not coming into work
pissed off
tired
had it

but the best course of action
showed its head
and said go
solve
fix
sooth
find a way
your way
pray
for an easier time of it

make a list
of what needs
to be done
and do it
one by one

and don’t take
anybody’s shit
because you don’t
have to anymore

you used to think you
had to
cause you were weak
and sick

but your getting better
and getting your strength
up
now,......
only if I knew
how
to not overshoot
the mark

~Jenny