I Want To Live In A Cardboard House

I used to play office when I was a little girl.
I loved answering my imaginary phone
and talking to imaginary Mrs. So and so.
And bossing my little friends around.
I even made a play computer one time
out of an old cardboard box.
That computer could do anything
and never crashed.
I loved scribbling on papers
that were posing as important
office documents.
One day, one of my friends got fed up with me
and left.
I guess I wasn’t a good boss.
Things needed to be done my way, dammit,
or they weren’t done at all.
If only I knew back then–
would I still have spent my playtime
playing a career type game?
I also built a cardboard house,
I had huge visions
and worked months on this
with my friend Wynne Wong.
I wanted carpet, wallpaper,
and chandelier, windows
and furniture.
I was obsessed.
When we finally put it all together,
it collapsed on us.
I still remember the smell from that day
out there on the lawn.
It was overcast
I knew we weren’t entirely ready
but if I had kept at trying to achieve
such an adult vision
with little girl resources
we would still be at it today.
I guess back then I didn’t consider
that there would be utility bills
a mortgage or rent
insurance.
Now as an adult I dream of playing
as a little girl
painting
living a life of freedom
and creativity.
It’s strange how things work out.
I'm trying to grow up.
I really am.

~Jenny